Interesting

One of my prior room mates once told me that I "have enough friends." I didn't get it. I have always been accustomed to being involved in many activities at once and having the time with people in my several different domains was enough for me. When I came to Irvine in 06 I decided to try and actually establish ties that weren't superficial or constrained by the domain they took place in. I spent time with co workers out side of work and chilled with team mates and classmates outside of class and practice. I got close to a lot of people at once, and before I knew it, I had little time to take care of my responsibilities and practically no time for myself (but I had had enough of that in Cuba). I overcompensated. I experienced a good deal of drama and self inflicted anxiety at the prospect of failing or dissapointing some of the closer of my friends.

I honestly was in over my head, but did my best. Things happened and lives took their courses and distances were made or at least were allowed to do so. I have learned a lot from reflecting on the time that has passed since my return in 06 and have come to a conclusion for the future based on a change I have discovered in myself. I am actually happy when I am all by myself with nothing to do but kill time in a way I see fit. I no longer yearn for some other's company all the time or feel the need to be doing something. I actually want more time for myself to enjoy life's simple pleasures by myself. Moreover, I need to be good at something again. I don't agree with a lot about work or care (various reasons) enough to be the best there, and I dont really shine with my volunteer work either. I also don't have the time to make for a lot of my friends anymore and my helplessness there saddens me. I need focus . . .

Thus, I am going to Japan with this resolution in mind: I need to be a good Teacher. My top priority will be doing my job and doing it well. I am going to do my very best to make a deep impression at my Nakayama School. Doing things with co workers or getting cught up in some activity will wait till I am convinced I am a good teacher. No activities, no volunteering, and no girls till I am rightly satisfied with myself. Once that happens, I will be ready to take on other things . . . but slowly . . . and one at a time.