Curiosity pissed this cat off

This is going off yesterday's post where I said I took issue with how the trainers for foreign teachers in my company treat us. I was going to live out the rest of my time here with a mild annoyance at the fact that there was nothing genuine to be observed in the interaction of foreign trainers toward the teachers, but I made a discovery today that I just need to vent about. I already gave my mom the brunt of it and she really calmed me down. Thanks Mom <3

What I discovered today was a policy that my company seems to have in place concerning how foreign trainers write a evaluation feedback form on the performance of foreign teachers at their follow up training. This training takes place within three months of a teacher’s arrival and apparently is meant to gauge how much a teacher has developed in their time here. Soon after (2 days in my case), the evaluation is sent to the manager and head teacher of a given foreign teacher’s school. I was given this feedback in person on Monday, but neither I nor any of the other teachers seemed to have been made privy to the fact that the managing staff at our schools were to be given this feedback. Though, I must admit I am not supposed to know of this and technically was sticking my nose where it didn’t belong. Regardless of that fact, fate decided that I should find out anyway . . . so there!

So the problem lies in the fact that the trainer wrote notes and comments on my performance throughout the day concerning what I need to improve on according to what she saw.

In her first note, she relays that “he seems to like to do his own thing in lessons. I stressed that students were getting confused in his lessons. . .”

How the hell does she know this? The only time I gave her hint that I “do my own thing” was in explaining one situation and that was an isolated case. She has no proof or direct experience of such a fact. Furthermore, she hasn’t spoken to a single one of my students about my lessons. Her only bases was how I tried to pretend that my training piers were Japanese, and I didn’t take the game 100% seriously. How the hell does she know if the actual students are confused or not?! Absolutely ludicrous.

In another note, she mentions how “ . . . he seems to not agree with the feedback.”

Well of course I am not going to agree with feedback that does not take into account the particular needs of my students or unique circumstances! She is basically saying that I “don't know my place” with her above criticism. I understand I am a complete newbie and am drowning in ignorance when compared to her experience. But just because she has a wealth of knowledge as a product of a wealth of experience, does not make her smarter than me. She has no right to treat me like I am freakin stupid or lack the ability to help my students learn. Especially when she doesn’t even know what their needs are.

She also has no reason to assume that I reject or even intend to reject the feedback of the staff at my school. My managers work hard and have a very informed idea of the needs of the students at my school. Any feedback they have ever given has been unquestioned thus far and that won’t change unless there is a rare occasion where they happen to be dead wrong. Ugh, I can’t believe she would through up such a yellow flag on me like that. Not what I need.

There is one more note to comment on, but I have lost interest in this tirade and it is pretty similar to the last note. Essentially I am trying to illustrate that this women assumed way too much based on circumstances and a situation completely removed from the reality of my particular school. Neither she, the other trainers, nor my training mates are Japanese, and I refuse to treat any of them like they are. I refuse to disrespect the Japanese culture in such a way. If you are a Japanese businessman, I will treat you much differently then a recent American college grad and will also behave differently in a room full of people who know the true meanings of my words. I wasn’t aware that I was supposed to be performing all day at follow up training, but rather thought I was supposed to be learning. Well, whatever . . . I am over it now and have lost interest to go on.

My only reason for being so bothered is that an important person has said I have problems I need to work on and I consider these problems to be serious. I am taking my job way too seriously for such accusations as these. These problems don’t exist in my school and actual lessons, but now my manager and head teacher might feel that they do and be watching out for these issues. This vigilance can lead to self-serving prophecy and I now fear the headache it could cause me. I think that fear explains why I was so ill affected earlier on. I now know and was earlier assured that I can prove this evaluation dead wrong. I just hope I get the proper chance to do so. I also hope that my managers bring this evaluation to my attention so I can tell the trainers how much I do not like their system of assuming they know everything about a teacher after merely watching them play pretend.