I swear I find the weirdest times to take care of things. I wasn't able to sleep and had stuff on my mind, and thus decided it would be best to handle them at this very instant even though I am on vacation. I'm such a goofball.
Anywho, I am in Nor Cal stayin with one of my closest friends, Michi. I am having one of the nicest times of my life up here. I have zero pressing obligations, Michi's wonderful company and her family's amazing hospitality, and I got to also spend time an old friend from MCIA I have not heard from in a long time.
The drive up was really quick and very nice as Michi, Cynthia, and I chatted it up the whole way. On day one (yesterday) we found ourselves exploring SF in the Castro and Mission (roads) areas, kicked back at Michi's place, had some bomb dinner at a local chinese joint, and then went to a random 18+ club that seemed quite "high school," but the DJ was bangin, so we didn't really notice.
There was a lot of deep conversation that went down today as well. I learned a lot about both my friends, as they did me, and it is difficult to articulate the content and "at ease" feeling im experiencing. I honestly could not ask for more from this vacation. Today and monday morning are going to be quite the bonus ^_^
Oh yeah! I did it. I need to hit the send button to finalize the process, but I have taken that step to possibly tie up an important loose end. It feels really good actually to have just done it. We shall see what time has in store. . .
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Geeeez Maaaaaan!
I have been rattled. I have been presented with evidence and a compelling argument that I can not ignore forcing me to disturb and labor upon one of the more significant foundations of the person I am today. I made a decision a long time ago based on hours and hours . . . AND HOURS of thought and consideration to behave and live in a certain manner because that is what I deserved and what would suit all parties the best. I made several predictions based on my course of action, and they all came to fruition, but there was one aberration that occurred that I was willing to ignore, but no longer can as I have have been informed that things may not necessarily be "OK."
Closure . . . the media has thrown a multitude of examples of what this concept is and how it is achieved. Two people find their intense relationship ended, but there are "emotional loose ends" left undone that gnaw at one or both of the partners. a professional (licensed MSW, LCSW) says that once a person believes these have been tied up in a post or mid break interaction, they have achieved closure and things are OK. They can continue forward without looking back too often.
For my part, there are no loose ends to be tied up. I chose to maintain full faith in our last words regarding what we shared and never questioned them or looked for inconsistencies in any way. Circumstances dictated that I deal with the situation alone and I was silently allowed to so. As more time passed, I found more and more reasons to hold myself, rather than the other, accountable for the situation I found myself in. I recollected and mentally documented many faults on my part to be coupled with (what I assumed to be) the other's fundamental inability to do this kind of long distance relationship.Thus, I have felt "OK" with things since because I took care of the loose ends that were torturing me. There may not have been two way input, but my efforts were so exhaustive and comprehensive that I had complete confidence that I had covered the truth of things.
Months to years of mutual silence help me to entrench the fact that I was right in my thoughts and decisions and I beleived I was OK with that. I was not going to de-evolve into one of those 30 year old cry-babies cursing some girl that broke his heart over 5 years before. It is a sad sight and I wish on nobody and refuse to deal with anyone that allows that to happen. Grow up, move on, and stop acting below my age! Anyway, I have acheived the goal thus far. But something happened . . .
I gesture was made . . . and I shook it off. I guessed how the interaction would play out and acted accordingly. I let my pride cause me to overlook something that may have been more than it seemed. It was only a matter of weeks before I doubted the wisdom of me letting my pride get the best of me in that situation. This gesture, I think, could be a marking turning point. It means something; my pride and fear whisper that addressing it is a needless effort and nothing significant will change while my logic and heart have come to beleive (with some outside help) that something is undone and I have to go back and undo my pride's work from a year ago.
It isn't going to be easy pulling this off. First, I have to deal with feeling like an idiot for taking almost a year to "wake the fuck up" and then the prospect of being feared makes me pretty angry. I am not a monster and never gave anyone any reason to fear me! Especially . . . Furthermore, I have known for sometime that there are things I don't know and my friends have respected my wishes in not telling me things I did not want to hear from anywhere other than the source. Thus, I fear how I may react to what I may learn. There are so many possibilities and I just don't want to have to deal with any newfound regret or bitterness.
Well, now that I have it out there, I guess I just have to do the thing. I need to talk to a couple people first, but I am going to do this. An outcome on one end of the spectrum will be a shrug of the shoulders and apology to myself for labeling myself prideful and "who knows what" on the other. We'll see.
Closure . . . the media has thrown a multitude of examples of what this concept is and how it is achieved. Two people find their intense relationship ended, but there are "emotional loose ends" left undone that gnaw at one or both of the partners. a professional (licensed MSW, LCSW) says that once a person believes these have been tied up in a post or mid break interaction, they have achieved closure and things are OK. They can continue forward without looking back too often.
For my part, there are no loose ends to be tied up. I chose to maintain full faith in our last words regarding what we shared and never questioned them or looked for inconsistencies in any way. Circumstances dictated that I deal with the situation alone and I was silently allowed to so. As more time passed, I found more and more reasons to hold myself, rather than the other, accountable for the situation I found myself in. I recollected and mentally documented many faults on my part to be coupled with (what I assumed to be) the other's fundamental inability to do this kind of long distance relationship.Thus, I have felt "OK" with things since because I took care of the loose ends that were torturing me. There may not have been two way input, but my efforts were so exhaustive and comprehensive that I had complete confidence that I had covered the truth of things.
Months to years of mutual silence help me to entrench the fact that I was right in my thoughts and decisions and I beleived I was OK with that. I was not going to de-evolve into one of those 30 year old cry-babies cursing some girl that broke his heart over 5 years before. It is a sad sight and I wish on nobody and refuse to deal with anyone that allows that to happen. Grow up, move on, and stop acting below my age! Anyway, I have acheived the goal thus far. But something happened . . .
I gesture was made . . . and I shook it off. I guessed how the interaction would play out and acted accordingly. I let my pride cause me to overlook something that may have been more than it seemed. It was only a matter of weeks before I doubted the wisdom of me letting my pride get the best of me in that situation. This gesture, I think, could be a marking turning point. It means something; my pride and fear whisper that addressing it is a needless effort and nothing significant will change while my logic and heart have come to beleive (with some outside help) that something is undone and I have to go back and undo my pride's work from a year ago.
It isn't going to be easy pulling this off. First, I have to deal with feeling like an idiot for taking almost a year to "wake the fuck up" and then the prospect of being feared makes me pretty angry. I am not a monster and never gave anyone any reason to fear me! Especially . . . Furthermore, I have known for sometime that there are things I don't know and my friends have respected my wishes in not telling me things I did not want to hear from anywhere other than the source. Thus, I fear how I may react to what I may learn. There are so many possibilities and I just don't want to have to deal with any newfound regret or bitterness.
Well, now that I have it out there, I guess I just have to do the thing. I need to talk to a couple people first, but I am going to do this. An outcome on one end of the spectrum will be a shrug of the shoulders and apology to myself for labeling myself prideful and "who knows what" on the other. We'll see.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Interesting
One of my prior room mates once told me that I "have enough friends." I didn't get it. I have always been accustomed to being involved in many activities at once and having the time with people in my several different domains was enough for me. When I came to Irvine in 06 I decided to try and actually establish ties that weren't superficial or constrained by the domain they took place in. I spent time with co workers out side of work and chilled with team mates and classmates outside of class and practice. I got close to a lot of people at once, and before I knew it, I had little time to take care of my responsibilities and practically no time for myself (but I had had enough of that in Cuba). I overcompensated. I experienced a good deal of drama and self inflicted anxiety at the prospect of failing or dissapointing some of the closer of my friends.
I honestly was in over my head, but did my best. Things happened and lives took their courses and distances were made or at least were allowed to do so. I have learned a lot from reflecting on the time that has passed since my return in 06 and have come to a conclusion for the future based on a change I have discovered in myself. I am actually happy when I am all by myself with nothing to do but kill time in a way I see fit. I no longer yearn for some other's company all the time or feel the need to be doing something. I actually want more time for myself to enjoy life's simple pleasures by myself. Moreover, I need to be good at something again. I don't agree with a lot about work or care (various reasons) enough to be the best there, and I dont really shine with my volunteer work either. I also don't have the time to make for a lot of my friends anymore and my helplessness there saddens me. I need focus . . .
Thus, I am going to Japan with this resolution in mind: I need to be a good Teacher. My top priority will be doing my job and doing it well. I am going to do my very best to make a deep impression at my Nakayama School. Doing things with co workers or getting cught up in some activity will wait till I am convinced I am a good teacher. No activities, no volunteering, and no girls till I am rightly satisfied with myself. Once that happens, I will be ready to take on other things . . . but slowly . . . and one at a time.
I honestly was in over my head, but did my best. Things happened and lives took their courses and distances were made or at least were allowed to do so. I have learned a lot from reflecting on the time that has passed since my return in 06 and have come to a conclusion for the future based on a change I have discovered in myself. I am actually happy when I am all by myself with nothing to do but kill time in a way I see fit. I no longer yearn for some other's company all the time or feel the need to be doing something. I actually want more time for myself to enjoy life's simple pleasures by myself. Moreover, I need to be good at something again. I don't agree with a lot about work or care (various reasons) enough to be the best there, and I dont really shine with my volunteer work either. I also don't have the time to make for a lot of my friends anymore and my helplessness there saddens me. I need focus . . .
Thus, I am going to Japan with this resolution in mind: I need to be a good Teacher. My top priority will be doing my job and doing it well. I am going to do my very best to make a deep impression at my Nakayama School. Doing things with co workers or getting cught up in some activity will wait till I am convinced I am a good teacher. No activities, no volunteering, and no girls till I am rightly satisfied with myself. Once that happens, I will be ready to take on other things . . . but slowly . . . and one at a time.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
-_-
This may be the first time ever, or at least in a really long time (which I can not remember) that I experienced a certain brand of shame that I have this evening. I had a quize in Japanese class today on vocabulary for the first lesson. I am confident that I got 100% on it, but there was an extra credit section I completely ignored. Reason being is that I have yet to be up to par with my Hiragana and could not write out the vocabulary for an extra ten points. Usually this would not bother me. I am still getting an A in the class and would have nothing to worry about, but this is not that case for this class.
My performance in this class will dictate how well I socially get by in Japan, which means I need to be the best in the class, so I can feel confident that I will not be a hopeless mute when I arrive in Nakayama. The best may seem unreasonable for a asperation, but why not? Insult was added to injury when other students were writing down the words in Hiragana with impressive speed, while I was sheepishly the first one to turn in my quiz. Thanks to my sense of competitiveness and desire to excel, I am going to rock this course. From this moment on, I am gonna eat and breath Japanese when I can until I leave and show my classmates how an American ought to speak にほんご. Wish me luck!
My performance in this class will dictate how well I socially get by in Japan, which means I need to be the best in the class, so I can feel confident that I will not be a hopeless mute when I arrive in Nakayama. The best may seem unreasonable for a asperation, but why not? Insult was added to injury when other students were writing down the words in Hiragana with impressive speed, while I was sheepishly the first one to turn in my quiz. Thanks to my sense of competitiveness and desire to excel, I am going to rock this course. From this moment on, I am gonna eat and breath Japanese when I can until I leave and show my classmates how an American ought to speak にほんご. Wish me luck!
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Another Step
So!
Aeon had contacted me and sent the materials and info that they needed for me to fill out. Some of the items were contracts, a personal history, couple employee books describing rules, responsibilities, and what to expect. They also wanted some passport photo's (10 at 35$ grrrr) my initial personal statement, and resume. I sent all of this back and the recruiter gave it the Ok and further informd me that the paperwork got sent of to the office in Japan and that my next step will be to get my work Visa in order. How exciting >_<
I also spoke briefly with the recruiter about some concerns I had ceoncerning what I was informed of, or not informed of enough, in the employee handbook. After covering all the loose ends in that phone-call, I am still very optimistic about this adventure. The handbook had struck me as kinda harsh, but I think my experience with the military and In N Out and thier blatant disregard for the individual at times made me dubious of some of the language I came across. Fortunately the recruiter is also prior military and understood where I was coming from and was thus able to ease my uneasiness in his explanaitions.
Now I will be learning Japanese in earnest and continuing to live my life as I have since the year started. Over all I am liking things, but still find myself tending to reflect and ponder. First off, I retook the GRE today and it was a mildy frustrating experience. I did worse than the first time, but not in a way to bring about shame or anger toward myself. My math was the same as the first but my big drop was in the verbal. I FOCUSED SOLELY THIS WHOLE TIME IN IMPROVING IT!!!! So, apparently, I am at my limit on the verbal and my GRE is as high as it will go at this time . . . oh well. I wish I had known this before I threw away 140$ to figure it out . . . sigh. I am already over it though. I am as smart as I am in terms of the GRE and I have accepted that.
Another thing that I have pondered is my current way of life. I realize that I am ill suited for the erratic scheduling I face with In-N-Out Burger. I either start early in the day or work till the wee hours of the night or morning. Never do I have a consistent schedule from week to week and rarely are my trend of day shifts and night shifts optimaly balanced with everything else going on in my life. I am not angry with the situation, but am weary of it. Hear I am after a closing shift that went to 215 am, it is now 545 am as I type this blog, and I have to be up in less than four hours for work at 1o am. I am a big boy and will be fine throughout the shift, but I know someone of my friends will want to do something tomorrow night and I will want to partake. The catch there is I have to be at work at 830 am the next morning and will be downright exhausted if I don't make up for tonights lacking . I hope whomever I spend tomorrow night with is understanding. Nonetheless I face this predicament often (my fault usually) and am tired of being tired all the time. Which has led me to remember what I refer to as "the simple life."
Life in Cuba was so simple. I was only close to five people at most there and two of them were in my unit, while I could only see the other two on days off. Demands from any of them in terms of friendship were sparse, cause the two I seldom saw were married & they were fine if I was around or wasn't and the other two saw enough of me to the point where they could easily tire of me as a product of our responsibilities and shared duties. Another factor was that the duty schedule was solid. Whether we had the dayshift or the nightshift, my work schedule was predominately predictable and static. The combination of these two elements led to a relatively blistful ruotine that I kinda miss at times. during the work cycles I would wake, eat breakfast, handle my shift, eat dinner, go work out, maybe hit the internet or catch free movie and go to sleep. On my two days off I would do laundry and mess around any which way I wanted to. That was the Routine 90% of the time and I was not tired all the time and my friends understood why my presence was ever scarce. They were in the same boat really. Though unhappy, I must admit that I was pretty comfortable with my lifestyle in those days.
I think my reflection indicates a portion of excitement for Japan. A set schedule that makes sense. No 7 hour turn arounds for shifts and a lot less distractions (for a while at least). No demands from anyone (or desire to randomly kill time with another) beyond my employer either as I intend to be primarily focused on being a good english teacher for a while after I start my journey. A new shot at a more simple life . . . sounds good to me ^_^
Aeon had contacted me and sent the materials and info that they needed for me to fill out. Some of the items were contracts, a personal history, couple employee books describing rules, responsibilities, and what to expect. They also wanted some passport photo's (10 at 35$ grrrr) my initial personal statement, and resume. I sent all of this back and the recruiter gave it the Ok and further informd me that the paperwork got sent of to the office in Japan and that my next step will be to get my work Visa in order. How exciting >_<
I also spoke briefly with the recruiter about some concerns I had ceoncerning what I was informed of, or not informed of enough, in the employee handbook. After covering all the loose ends in that phone-call, I am still very optimistic about this adventure. The handbook had struck me as kinda harsh, but I think my experience with the military and In N Out and thier blatant disregard for the individual at times made me dubious of some of the language I came across. Fortunately the recruiter is also prior military and understood where I was coming from and was thus able to ease my uneasiness in his explanaitions.
Now I will be learning Japanese in earnest and continuing to live my life as I have since the year started. Over all I am liking things, but still find myself tending to reflect and ponder. First off, I retook the GRE today and it was a mildy frustrating experience. I did worse than the first time, but not in a way to bring about shame or anger toward myself. My math was the same as the first but my big drop was in the verbal. I FOCUSED SOLELY THIS WHOLE TIME IN IMPROVING IT!!!! So, apparently, I am at my limit on the verbal and my GRE is as high as it will go at this time . . . oh well. I wish I had known this before I threw away 140$ to figure it out . . . sigh. I am already over it though. I am as smart as I am in terms of the GRE and I have accepted that.
Another thing that I have pondered is my current way of life. I realize that I am ill suited for the erratic scheduling I face with In-N-Out Burger. I either start early in the day or work till the wee hours of the night or morning. Never do I have a consistent schedule from week to week and rarely are my trend of day shifts and night shifts optimaly balanced with everything else going on in my life. I am not angry with the situation, but am weary of it. Hear I am after a closing shift that went to 215 am, it is now 545 am as I type this blog, and I have to be up in less than four hours for work at 1o am. I am a big boy and will be fine throughout the shift, but I know someone of my friends will want to do something tomorrow night and I will want to partake. The catch there is I have to be at work at 830 am the next morning and will be downright exhausted if I don't make up for tonights lacking . I hope whomever I spend tomorrow night with is understanding. Nonetheless I face this predicament often (my fault usually) and am tired of being tired all the time. Which has led me to remember what I refer to as "the simple life."
Life in Cuba was so simple. I was only close to five people at most there and two of them were in my unit, while I could only see the other two on days off. Demands from any of them in terms of friendship were sparse, cause the two I seldom saw were married & they were fine if I was around or wasn't and the other two saw enough of me to the point where they could easily tire of me as a product of our responsibilities and shared duties. Another factor was that the duty schedule was solid. Whether we had the dayshift or the nightshift, my work schedule was predominately predictable and static. The combination of these two elements led to a relatively blistful ruotine that I kinda miss at times. during the work cycles I would wake, eat breakfast, handle my shift, eat dinner, go work out, maybe hit the internet or catch free movie and go to sleep. On my two days off I would do laundry and mess around any which way I wanted to. That was the Routine 90% of the time and I was not tired all the time and my friends understood why my presence was ever scarce. They were in the same boat really. Though unhappy, I must admit that I was pretty comfortable with my lifestyle in those days.
I think my reflection indicates a portion of excitement for Japan. A set schedule that makes sense. No 7 hour turn arounds for shifts and a lot less distractions (for a while at least). No demands from anyone (or desire to randomly kill time with another) beyond my employer either as I intend to be primarily focused on being a good english teacher for a while after I start my journey. A new shot at a more simple life . . . sounds good to me ^_^
Friday, January 16, 2009
やた！
Getting accepted into Aeon as a foreign English teacher was a metaphorical "opening of the doorway" to my journey to and in Japan. This week has provided me with the first actual steps down that path. I finally got my assignment and departure date. As things stand I am to arrive in Narita Airport (Tokyo) before 4pm on June 5th where I will be trained to teach English for at least a year at the Nakayama Branch school in Yokohama. I am so excited!! The location is pretty much perfect in terms of what I was looking for. I will be close to big cities and tourist spots, but not dead center in the international metropolitan chaos that are Tokyo or downtown Yokohama. Thus, I have better chance at having a true sense of what the ACTUAL Japanese culture is like on a daily basis. So, finding out when and where I am headed has proved exceedingly exciting.
Another step I have taken is to actually receive the contract packet the Aeon needs me to sign and provide them and start checking of boxes on the pre-departer checklist. I have applied for my passport, begun to build my professional wardrobe, and gather other essential information on what to bring and how better to prepare. It keeps me busy, but I am so motivated to do it all that it does not even seem bothersome.
Furthermore, I have begun my intro Japanese anguage course. As I will need to be able to communicate, I have a deeply vested interest in the class and all of the work has proven fun and interesting so far. Check what I can do after only two class sessions "うぇすり". That is my named spelled out in Hiragana, one of the three alphebets in writtin Japanese. hopefully I can pick it up quick and even become fluint in the time I am there. These steps may be small, but every one I take makes me anticipate the next even more. Times will be super busy till I leave, but I will be enjoying and savorying every last minute of it.
Another step I have taken is to actually receive the contract packet the Aeon needs me to sign and provide them and start checking of boxes on the pre-departer checklist. I have applied for my passport, begun to build my professional wardrobe, and gather other essential information on what to bring and how better to prepare. It keeps me busy, but I am so motivated to do it all that it does not even seem bothersome.
Furthermore, I have begun my intro Japanese anguage course. As I will need to be able to communicate, I have a deeply vested interest in the class and all of the work has proven fun and interesting so far. Check what I can do after only two class sessions "うぇすり". That is my named spelled out in Hiragana, one of the three alphebets in writtin Japanese. hopefully I can pick it up quick and even become fluint in the time I am there. These steps may be small, but every one I take makes me anticipate the next even more. Times will be super busy till I leave, but I will be enjoying and savorying every last minute of it.
Monday, January 5, 2009
Hello, Goodbye
Well, tis the beginning of another year. . . Cool.
2008 started off with quite a bang as I was at TAO when 2007 officially took the boot. Honestly though I actually kind of regret starting off the year like that. I will always have this small inkling of remorse concerning how i sort of wasted my first moments of the year. Its all good though; I learned from it, it doesn't keep me up at night, and I have actually improved myself because of it. I want to call 2008 my black and white year. Up till mid April was the dark part of the year. I was busy as hell with work from REALLY important classes, working full time and not getting that raise >:0, and balancing my (unfortunately) compartmentalized social life. Moreover, I needed to find a new trail to walk down in life as that of college was quickly coming to an end. Not knowing what comes next in life is a scary freakin thing, and stagnating in Irvine at In-N-Out was not an option (it terrified me). This fear overshadowed many aspects of my life and my closer friends were aware that times weren't too easy for me. Then finally I found my path.
I decided to teach English in Japan one day in May as I was driving to my internship for school. My decision re-injected purpose and direction into my life. I had motivation, plans, and a sense of direction once again. From that day fourth, life got better and better. I had gotten the raise, School was a breeze in the next quarter (more or less), and my social life was improving to ^_^ When graduation hit and I got to celebrate it with my family and some friends, I was the happiest and most content guy on earth. I will always reflect on June with a broad smile. With my graduation came a new orientation in my psyche . . . grow up and get the hell out of Irvine as quick as possible. With that in mind I started down my post grad trail toward Japan.
The first step was the 5,100$ Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) certification. I had eight classes spread out monday through friday. Not one was less than two and a half hours long and they all had homework. I was still working full time, so I clearly was working weekends and nights during the week when I could spare the time. I worked nights so that I wouldn't party and blow my money and not pass the course since had I decided that not partying as often as I had in the past was part of my "growing up" process. I thus had a lot of time to myself to mull my life over in my head as I didn't have music, alcohohol, and dancing distracting me and was further motivated to make more little changes in my life that makes me feel like a very different person from the me a year ago.
Though I am on this new trail, I have, since the end of TEFL, made a pit stop at a knoll along the way and have to wait till June to get back on the hike. Things are great and I am as happy as ever. I know I will be in Japan in the summer, but till then, I am living life in manner that I can approve of. I am at a grey point in my life I guess. I got something to offer, but can't show it yet in the way I want. I think that, once again, I will be a very very different person a year from now. hopefully I will still be more or just as happy.
here is a look at some of me over all of 2008:
2008 started off with quite a bang as I was at TAO when 2007 officially took the boot. Honestly though I actually kind of regret starting off the year like that. I will always have this small inkling of remorse concerning how i sort of wasted my first moments of the year. Its all good though; I learned from it, it doesn't keep me up at night, and I have actually improved myself because of it. I want to call 2008 my black and white year. Up till mid April was the dark part of the year. I was busy as hell with work from REALLY important classes, working full time and not getting that raise >:0, and balancing my (unfortunately) compartmentalized social life. Moreover, I needed to find a new trail to walk down in life as that of college was quickly coming to an end. Not knowing what comes next in life is a scary freakin thing, and stagnating in Irvine at In-N-Out was not an option (it terrified me). This fear overshadowed many aspects of my life and my closer friends were aware that times weren't too easy for me. Then finally I found my path.
I decided to teach English in Japan one day in May as I was driving to my internship for school. My decision re-injected purpose and direction into my life. I had motivation, plans, and a sense of direction once again. From that day fourth, life got better and better. I had gotten the raise, School was a breeze in the next quarter (more or less), and my social life was improving to ^_^ When graduation hit and I got to celebrate it with my family and some friends, I was the happiest and most content guy on earth. I will always reflect on June with a broad smile. With my graduation came a new orientation in my psyche . . . grow up and get the hell out of Irvine as quick as possible. With that in mind I started down my post grad trail toward Japan.
The first step was the 5,100$ Teaching English as a Foreign Language (TEFL) certification. I had eight classes spread out monday through friday. Not one was less than two and a half hours long and they all had homework. I was still working full time, so I clearly was working weekends and nights during the week when I could spare the time. I worked nights so that I wouldn't party and blow my money and not pass the course since had I decided that not partying as often as I had in the past was part of my "growing up" process. I thus had a lot of time to myself to mull my life over in my head as I didn't have music, alcohohol, and dancing distracting me and was further motivated to make more little changes in my life that makes me feel like a very different person from the me a year ago.
Though I am on this new trail, I have, since the end of TEFL, made a pit stop at a knoll along the way and have to wait till June to get back on the hike. Things are great and I am as happy as ever. I know I will be in Japan in the summer, but till then, I am living life in manner that I can approve of. I am at a grey point in my life I guess. I got something to offer, but can't show it yet in the way I want. I think that, once again, I will be a very very different person a year from now. hopefully I will still be more or just as happy.
here is a look at some of me over all of 2008:
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